brandon cole…

My love. My life.

I want that life. I want that baby girl named Jade. I want that baby boy named brandon cole. I want our baby to be a daddy’s girl or a momma’s boy. I want to walk into our house and see my husband and my child playing together. I want that life.

He puts theses ideas in my head. He pushes thoughts of us getting married and every time I see that cute face I fall in love with him. I rarely call him sexy because I don’t see him as that… I see him as so much more. I can honestly say with no doubt in my mind that if he asked me to marry him right now, at this very moment, all I would be able to do is cry and say yes. We would get married after graduation and start building that life we both want together.

Reading what he wrote the day he thought that I had cheated on him killed me. It took everything I had inside of me not to cry in front of him as he called my name laying next to me.  Yet I sat on the bed reading about how I broke my baby’s heart. I still don’t forgive myself for making him even think I would cheat. I have never cheated on anyone and I will never cheat. And I will spend the rest of my life making it up to him. I can’t unsee the look on his face.

I love brandon more than anyone in the world. I love him more than I love myself. He calls me beautiful, but I feel like he deserves so much more and so much better than me. He deserves the world so why does he want me? I will do everything to make him feel loved like he deserves to be. He deserves so much more than I will ever be able to give him. But he swears he wants to be with me.

This man is the only one who has ever been able to pull me out of a depression state. I am going to marry him. He will be my children’s father. The way he looks at me makes me feel like he loves the real me. Not who everyone thinks I am or should be. I used to be a whore. I used to be a slut. But with him all I need to be is his. He’s happy and so am I. I am in love with brandon and no one will ever be able to change the way I feel about this man. All hell will break loose before I change the way I feel about him.

He means everything to me and even just thinking about going a day without seeing him or hearing his voice makes me want to cry. Everything about him makes me fall in love with him. I don’t need sex to be happy with him. Just laying with him makes me 100% happy. All I need is him. That is all I need forever. If I was given the choice to either have anything I could want in the world but not brandon or to live with brandon and only bring in enough money to barely get by… I would choose to be with brandon. Seeing his face makes my day.

Every now and then I get depressed because I am scared as hell that something will happen and he will leave me. He is the light of my day. I love him to the end of the road and back. He talks about our future like he literally wants it. I will give brandon anything he asks for, wants, or needs. He deserves the world. I can’t explain even explain a little bit how happy I am or how much I love this man. He told aaron that I was beautiful inside and out… not sexy or hott… beautiful.

He is my oxygen. He is my heartbeat.Without him I am nevermore. But with I am with him I know I am loved. There is no place i’d rather be than within his reach.

~~~~~to the end of the road and back~~~~~

-A

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