This is my story not yours

 

He looks at me like I have never been looked at before. He’ll smile and for those few seconds I feel like I am alive and that I don’t have to do what everyone else says just for me to feel happy inside.His lips touch mine and for once I don’t feel like I NEED that kiss to know how he feels on the inside. I can tell just by the way he looks at me. He is my one and only. I know that I won’t lose him to another girl and he knows he won’t lose me to another boy.

I sat there and cried because I didn’t know what to do. With myself, with my past, with this long road ahead. I felt sick to my stomach, abandoned, and hurt. Suicide crossed my mind as every single second that passed.The words they spoke killed me and I felt like every breath was my last. Their face made me want to die because I put my heart into the “relationship” and they put it under their car and rolled over it.

He tells me that he loves me and I know he means it. We talk on the phone every night and we have fallen asleep on the phone with one another. He holds my heart and my soul. He is so out of my league and I am the luckiest girl alive to have him to myself. Friday’s became my favorite days because for those few hours we are alone on his couch or on his bed I know that I want to spend the rest of my life with him. I want that baby girl so she can be “daddy’s girl”. Watching him with his nephews is the most amazing thing I have ever seen. I know that I really want his baby, I know this because the way I feel about this man is unbelievable.

They told me they ‘loved’ me. I should have known it was a lie. My heart was always broken. Yet no one heard my cries. I spent months feeling alone and used. But I was too scared to be alone. By myself  I did whatever it took to feel satisfied for a minute or two.The pain rips through your body and you can feel yourself shutting down. All you want to do is collapse and cry. The pain consumes you and you are to weak and broken to do anything. You cry to the point where you feel like you can’t cry anymore. Even though crying feels like the only solution.

This man is my life and I will do whatever it takes to prove that I am in love with him. I hurt him already even though nothing happened. He was still hurt. The words he wrote made me die. I never wanted him to feel the way he felt that day. Yet I still made him feel the pain I have felt numerous times before. And I will spend the rest of my life making that up to him. I will never forgive myself for making him feel that way.The way he holds me as we lay with our bodies pressed against each other tells a story of it’s own. As we lay and I look up at his sleepy face I see him for himself. He’s not trying to be someone and he’s not trying to impress anybody. He looks peaceful and I feel secure knowing that I will always have him. The way he kisses my head when i am falling asleep on his chest is enough to send me to the end of the road and back.

They’re worthless to treat any girl the way we have all been treated. With some more than others, but it’s all the same pain delivered in different doses.No more pain will get to me because I am secure in daddy’s grasp and he’s never letting go. He looks at me like Ive never been looked at before.

-A

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